i don't want to be

It was nearing the end of the school year, and I was eager to wrap it up with enthusiasm and happy memories. But life, as it often does, had other plans. Out of nowhere, a major catastrophe struck, followed by another, turning what should have been a celebratory week into a series of emotional explosions—anger, frustration, self-doubt, and disappointment. My face, as always, betrayed my feelings; I’ve never been good at hiding my emotions.

Amidst the chaos, a few kind souls stepped in to help. Through explanations, clarifications, and shared stories, they helped me make sense of the situations I was facing. I won’t go into the details, but deep down, I knew my intentions were good. Unfortunately, they were misinterpreted as prying into matters that others considered private.

That night, I came home with a heavy heart and couldn’t sleep. The events replayed in my mind over and over, and I kept questioning whether I had done something wrong. Just when I felt overwhelmed, a message arrived—words of encouragement reminding me not to take things too personally. It was a small gesture, but it gave me the strength to face the next day.

The following morning, a family who knows my love for sweets brought me donuts. “To make you feel better,” they said. It was a thoughtful gesture that lifted my spirits, and for a moment, things seemed to calm down. But peace was short-lived, as yet another storm rolled in the very next day.

When storms come, they rarely bring just rain—they bring wind, thunder, and chaos. This new situation caught me completely off guard. I found myself in the middle of a sensitive conflict between two parties, and the emotional toll was far greater than frustration or disappointment. I felt hollow, like a shell of myself, walking around without life or purpose. I couldn’t even cry, though I desperately wanted to. Tears, I thought, might wash away the heaviness, but they wouldn’t come.

Eventually, the storms passed, and calm returned. Everything fell into place, but the experience left me shaken. It’s never easy to witness disagreements, let alone be a part of them. Yet, through it all, I was supported by some of the most understanding and reliable people. Their kindness and empathy helped me navigate the turmoil, and for that, I am deeply grateful.

That week, my face wore the weight of sorrow, and I couldn’t help but wish for a simpler, more peaceful life. Drama has a way of finding us, but all I want is to live in harmony—with myself and with others.