The Lost Message
It's been a year but sometimes I still think that the closure I made with my dad wasn't enough. I still cry when I think of him and I still get angry when I remember some of the things that happened between me and my father.
Since I am doing some cleaning at home, I stumbled upon an envelope sent by my sister some years ago regarding some health policies. Since I am shredding unnecessary documents at this time, I took a special look as to its content. There was a small note that fell from the pile and it was from my father. I do not even recall reading it as I didn't need the policies sent to me.
I rushed myself in the hospital for a needed operation some years ago. All alone, with just two bags, it was one of my heart wrenching moment. I survived and without much assistance from anyone. And through all these years, not knowing of this lost message.
When I heard about your situation, I told your sister to go to Thailand immediately. Don't worry about expenses. I am ready to produce 150K in pesos because she told me about your situation. I even told your brother and his wife to get ready to go there because your sister is busy with her classes.
I'm willing to go there but my passport and papers are very difficult to get.
John, I am very sorry I cannot get in touch with you immediately.
Thanks,
Papa
Comments
Nakapunta ba sila sa iyo noong time na iyon?
None of them did, ayaw ko, was telling them they wont be able to find me and their way because of the language. I had the privilege of being taken care of by the parents of my students later. It was a great learning experience.
Thanks Cher Jep!
I do not know what to say. Perhaps like most fathers, he just finds it very hard to relate to you, being that you are so unlike your siblings (early independence, this habit of yours of not needing anyone, et cetera.). I dunno. Just a small theory.
But. *hugs*
My father is still struggling in & out of the hospital while my sister wanted a closure from me over some unsettled squabbles I had with my siblings over 10 years ago. I told her it's useless to talk as I have moved on. The closure will never happen as no parties would ever admit their faults, so might as well I bury them & close it like that!
Probably correct with your small theories. Growing up with him was difficult as there was blatant favouritism. I guessed I grew up knowing how to manage my feelings in my own way, escaped my horrid life back home, and stayed put outside to find myself. And I did, though I am unsure whether I actually am living that life.
It was very mean of me to say unkind words when in fact, in one of my darkest days, he was there to help. I hope he forgives me for this thinking. Thanks for the hugs.
Thank you for your suggestion. I did, as the person is no longer here. The closure I had during the burial was enough, but this message struck me deep thus the melancholia. And knowing that he loved me, is enough to make me feel a complete person.
I am saddened by siblings' squabbles as I do not want that to happen to us. Though one is farther away from the rest, I can see that each lead a busy life but never forgetting. To finally bury some burden is better than resurrect them and fight all over again.
Sorry, but it also made me cry, bucketfull, and made me happy knowing that I was loved, am loved perhaps.
Lesson learned, forgiveness, forgotten and closure.
My best wishes and blessings for you
xx
Thank you for your sweetness and good words. I hope you are having a better day.
Our relationship is better now. Hindi man ako showy ng emotions pero i always make it a point to do something special for him, like yung ilibre ko siya ng kape sa coffee shop, or buy him dinner, or organize a special trip for him and mama.
Magastos nga lang. LOL! Pero ok na kami. In return lagi inaasikaso ni papa yung mga documents ko, at yung kotse ko. hahaha! Wala kasi ako alam sa pag repair ng kotse. hahaha! But i love my father so much!
Minsan lang talaga no, hindi nila alam kung paano mag show ng emotions, because probably when they were young they received the same treatment. Nevertheless, we are to honor our parents no matter what they did or who they are. And if in the past, it was terrible to relate with him, then forgive. Nagbago naman yata siya. The letter shows he truly is a good person and loves you too.
It is wonderful to hear a different version of a son-dad relationship. It also helps that your pastor gave you a chance to see your relationship with your dad as something important and worth of respect and love. Yes, most of the Chinese fathers I know do not show any affection towards their children. They are almost aloof and strict most of the time, and the children just follow.
I left the country because of him but I did not resent having him as a father. In fact, I wanted to bring him here for good. Anyway, this is a very late post for him, since I just discovered the letter, I cannot do anything anymore.