Nostalgia
As a very emotional person sans the drama, everything that happens in me are well-kept in my memories. The fact that things are usually melancholic, I still find some time to view the world as something majestic. And when moments of loneliness creep side by side with a deep longing, I reminisce things old and past.
I grew up as a very quiet person and this might surprise people as they know me as the funny and energetic one. It is probably a mask I am wearing all the time. For the smiles are not always a sign of being happy. Those wide eyes and stingy smiles are reflections of the pain inside, albeit, well-hidden.
There are things that I cherish most and one of them is my past: where I grew up, where I lived, where I studied and where I became aware of life's atrocities and surprises.
I remember the room where I was staying in our former home. It wasn't a big one, fitted with a small bed and table for writing or doing artworks, it was cramped and dark. I have my stacks of books in two bookcases, one bookcase inherited from my relatives and the other, custom-made by one of our workers at home to fit in the small space.
I transferred to a smaller space as my brother took ownership of the room when he got married. After a year or two in a smaller and darker enclosure, it was time to leave my turf and I did.
After all the many years I had been out of the country, I still look into going back to where I came from. Going back to where I grew up is still calling me every time I get to visit Manila, even if our old house is no longer there.
I believe that if I look back to my past, life or whereabouts, I will live the memories that made me a person that I am and the experiences that I learned from growing up in one humbling place.
I grew up as a very quiet person and this might surprise people as they know me as the funny and energetic one. It is probably a mask I am wearing all the time. For the smiles are not always a sign of being happy. Those wide eyes and stingy smiles are reflections of the pain inside, albeit, well-hidden.
There are things that I cherish most and one of them is my past: where I grew up, where I lived, where I studied and where I became aware of life's atrocities and surprises.
I remember the room where I was staying in our former home. It wasn't a big one, fitted with a small bed and table for writing or doing artworks, it was cramped and dark. I have my stacks of books in two bookcases, one bookcase inherited from my relatives and the other, custom-made by one of our workers at home to fit in the small space.
I transferred to a smaller space as my brother took ownership of the room when he got married. After a year or two in a smaller and darker enclosure, it was time to leave my turf and I did.
After all the many years I had been out of the country, I still look into going back to where I came from. Going back to where I grew up is still calling me every time I get to visit Manila, even if our old house is no longer there.
I believe that if I look back to my past, life or whereabouts, I will live the memories that made me a person that I am and the experiences that I learned from growing up in one humbling place.
Comments
Those who have suffered at the start often triumphed later in life.
You have come a long way and should be contented that you can now walk firmly on the grounds with chin up and live confidently with the world under your thumbs.
I am happy with my life today and I just met up with an old friend 2 nights ago to hear his heart breaking stories. His wife left him with the young kids and his career also went down the drain. I didn't tell him that he was an arrogant monster when he was younger.
Just like you Sir meron din parts ng childhood ko na gusto kong balik balikan
yun yung mga times na may sarili akong mundo at di ko pa alam ang meaning ng stress ^_^
Periodically declutter our minds...
Bro, good post...,
Agree ako sa sinabi ni Twilight Man.
Yun na ang mga best words for you :)
The post centres on going back to my roots as to see how it had made me into a person. I am happy that I have accomplsihed so many things in life and thus looking back is an appreciation thing albeit sad because most are gone.
Isn't it nice to be able to reminsce the past such as old friends, family activities, growing up, grandparents around, including the house which we called home? My post is a nostalgic comeback to where I was before and in my journey, I created a better life for myself with a lot of sacrifices: absence from my family, distance and separation, no communication. So when I think about my past, I owe many things in my life now that is a result of what I have today, a better me.
I may not be a happy chap but I do appreciate all the best things I have in life. I cannot ask for more.
love lots,
Tin
mypoeticisolation.blogspot.com
Leaving one's home is difficult esp when you know that you have no choice but to be away, far away from someone you love. But in life, we need to dream and make a life of our own so we make decisions. Some decisions are good and lead us to success. Some are not but in our hearts, we can still find a way to go back home, to our comfort zone, to speak out, to be heard, and be loved back.
To look back, pay forward, and grow better, a mantra we must repeat to ourselves.
Though we are far away from home and in your case, farther away from home, we tend to look back where we were and reminisce good and old times with our loved ones. The friends we had when we were young, the games we playes, the relatines we haven't seen for a long time, our home, our parents and even our school become things for nostalgia. I do wish I can be granted even a day to go back in time so I can smile, say my regrets, apologize, love and be appreciative of everyone in my past.
-- i like how you summarized my thought :) and im gonna be using that as a mantra moving forward.