These Few Days
I need to write this, I need to write this. I am feeling depress. Yes, the word is correct and that I am just a human being as well.
I was the happy chap you will see when I was walking down the malls of SM and Robinson's. Though I wasn't the shopper, I was endlessly walking down each stores trying to look busy, not lurking, but passing the time away. I had lunches and dinners at different establishments most notably McDonald because it wasn't filled with people. I cannot be in the house of my brother. I should be somewhere else. I was restless.
I'd met my high school friends, as part of our yearly get-together but there was something different. I didn't feel the excitement, pardon me Violets, because I was already frustrated with the rain and the bags I had to carry from one house to the next before we met. I was a nomad in Manila.
I was chit chatting with strangers the ten days I was home. When I went to Coron, I was listening to other tourists and later engaging myself with small talks with them. When I took an FX van to get home, I became buddy buddy with a fellow overseas worker who shared her visions and plans during the ride home. I was offered by an older lady to be introduced to someone when I shared the trike with her. She found out through our conversation that I am single. I was the chatterbox.
These are the things I miss and when I am back here for the first few days, my feeling of isolation, desolation and loneliness mount incessantly. Though I have the comfort of my home surrounded by beautiful plants and flowers, I long for.... Though I have the comfort of a motorbike and a car to go around, I long for.... Though I am surrounded by people wherever I go, I long for ....
Being an overseas worker is tough but it was a choice I made. I count the days where I will be home in traffic, congested places, noisy surroundings, polluted air and political mayhem. With all the bad things, I have my remaining family members, relatives, friends, and home.
I was the happy chap you will see when I was walking down the malls of SM and Robinson's. Though I wasn't the shopper, I was endlessly walking down each stores trying to look busy, not lurking, but passing the time away. I had lunches and dinners at different establishments most notably McDonald because it wasn't filled with people. I cannot be in the house of my brother. I should be somewhere else. I was restless.
I'd met my high school friends, as part of our yearly get-together but there was something different. I didn't feel the excitement, pardon me Violets, because I was already frustrated with the rain and the bags I had to carry from one house to the next before we met. I was a nomad in Manila.
I was chit chatting with strangers the ten days I was home. When I went to Coron, I was listening to other tourists and later engaging myself with small talks with them. When I took an FX van to get home, I became buddy buddy with a fellow overseas worker who shared her visions and plans during the ride home. I was offered by an older lady to be introduced to someone when I shared the trike with her. She found out through our conversation that I am single. I was the chatterbox.
These are the things I miss and when I am back here for the first few days, my feeling of isolation, desolation and loneliness mount incessantly. Though I have the comfort of my home surrounded by beautiful plants and flowers, I long for.... Though I have the comfort of a motorbike and a car to go around, I long for.... Though I am surrounded by people wherever I go, I long for ....
Being an overseas worker is tough but it was a choice I made. I count the days where I will be home in traffic, congested places, noisy surroundings, polluted air and political mayhem. With all the bad things, I have my remaining family members, relatives, friends, and home.
Comments
Please come visit us again next time:) Doon tayo sa bukid. Dalawa na kami ng wife ko na makakausap mo.
Iba nga yung Tarlac visit ko. The feeling was still intact even when I arrived Thailand.
love lots,
Tin
mypoeticisolation.blogspot.com
Go sir Jo, this too shall past :)
buti you're back again :)
akala ko kung ano na nangyari sa inyo.
isang mahigpit na hugs na lang para sa inyo jan!
Sige pag nagkita tayo ulit ( kailan kaya yun?) at ibigay mo sa akin, lol!
Maraming nagyari at mangyayari pero for now, balik blog muna.
Salamat!
We had the same feeling when we got back from Coron, it's not that it's "bitin" per se but its that loneliness that came with it. I came home to an empty house that day as well. I didnt unpack my stuff until the following day then I had lunch with you and Sep that was also in a rush as you have both other things to do that day.
It is a choice I made and when I am depress because I had a taste of life back home, I resign to doing nothing. A telephone call or a messenger chat helps but it has more value when we meet personally. I can laugh and I can see others laugh as well. I can pat them, poke them, or even slap them throughout our jokes. However, this is joy possible at all times. The distance between all of us I believe ties us together as we get excited to meet again and again. This January, though I have no intention of going back, I will because of our group.
Remember when we were at the resto during A's treat and when everyone was listening to my tales, I was so happy. But nobody knew what happened after that. As I was walking down the street, I was warned by a security guard of how dangerous some of the smaller roads were so I ended walking along the highway. I couldn't find a cab to go home so I walked some more miles until I found the jeepney station. I asked some people how to get to my destination and there were a couple who helped me out.
When I reached the subdivision, it was already late so there were no more trikes to bring me in. I walked through the darkness praying for my safety. I reached my brother's house and thanked the Lord for bringing me safely back home. Then I cried for being like this because I had not paid any attention to my future. This January, I will be staying in Manila so it will be nearer and more familiar to me. My mind have been opened and my hope is full. I will continue with my journey not of pity but of determination.