sunset

I find myself experiencing what feels like the sunset of my life. While this metaphor suggests an ending, it captures the essence of what I'm feeling right now. Perhaps it's a result of a cortisol imbalance, as my emotions swing from happiness one moment to complete exhaustion the next. Despite maintaining a consistent wake-up time, I often feel drained and in desperate need of sleep. 

I typically nap on the floor and have been timing myself to limit these rests to 20 minutes. However, anything beyond that leaves me feeling even more lethargic. Yet, I still have countless tasks to tackle at home: watering the garden, eating dinner, completing household chores, and then returning to my computer for lesson planning and project documentation.  

It seems that the routine of daily life- endless work and responsibilities- has taken its toll. Even my beloved gardening has become a chore, something I feel obligated to do just to keep my plants alive. My iPad reminds me weekly that I spend two hours per day sitting and consuming content, often mindlessly watching YouTube or playing repetitive games just to unwind. 

I recognize that my surroundings and my own mindset contribute to this overwhelming feeling. However, I am writing this because I want to look back and see that I took steps to address these negative feelings. While I'm uncertain of my plans, I know I need to initiate some positive changes. I sense an impending end, but deep down, I fear losing who I am. Some parts of me still feel broken, and I'm determined to find a way to heal.