Survivor

It is March and work is occupying my life as I work full time including the weekends. The month of March is full packed as there are no holidays or break during the entire four weeks. It is also the period where we have deadlines and things needed for the coming months. 

However, even if my life is filled with so many things, I still have time to feel despair and always longing to cry.  I wanted to pour my heart out of all the things that are bothering me.  I wanted to find someone to just sit down and talk, or maybe find someone to just sit down together saying nothing.

I went on a weekend trip last week and gave myself a treat in celebration of my birthday two months ago. I wasn't able to get out of the house because of the pandemic at that time, the second since last year.  I opted to go short distance only as I am getting tired of sitting down inside the car for many hours. 

It took me six hours to reach my first destination.  It was a choice as I wanted to dine in my favourite restaurant where I could indulge again in eating Myanmar spring rolls. This particular restaurant ranked highest in my list of fave restaurant around Thailand, the second of which is nearer the city, four hours away.

The next day was a trip to the famous River Kwai where I opted to stay in a houseboat sans the sailing.  It was a first time staying in a real boat docked along the river.  The view was magnificent and the surrounding resorts reminded me of Maldives, not that I've been to Maldives. 

And while I was there, there was a tremendous urging for me to just cry out but I did not.  I used the time alone to revisit years of past, and the journeys that I will still to take.  I thought of my parents and the siblings I have.  I reminisced the times I spent with my closest friends traveling and eating wherever our feet, I mean cars, will bring us.  Most of all, I relived the year that I was fleeting and walking in clouds. And that was many years ago.

I probably live in the past and never wanting to move on. Maybe because the memories of the past were far better than what I am experiencing at present.  I am superficially happy and that is what people see, a mask I have been wearing for so many years.

But you know what, as always, I am going to rise up against all these turbulent thoughts and feelings.  I am a fighter, a solo flyer, and a survivor.  I am thankful for all the great things in my life and that I am still healthy and alive.