Hate To See You Go

I used to live in a smaller house, wooden in structure where the lower part housed the store. I had a small bedroom, partitioned with a curtain as one part was used as a walkway to another room. It was one simple set-up. There was one table, one bed, and a zip in closet for my ample clothes. That was many years ago.

I was offered a job to work in another country when I was finishing up my studies in one of the universities in Manila. When I left, the room became a storage of sorts for some industrial parts that we sell. My things got lost. Although I was able to save some when I placed them in boxes though most were inundated by flood as they were stored downstairs.

In my many years away from 'home', I never knew that my family built a bigger place for themselves. One Christmas break, I went home and was surprised to see where my parents and siblings were staying. It was a far cry from the humble wooden house we used to live together.

There wasn't a space provided for me when I toured the building. I was told since I wasn't permanently living in the country, I can crash with one of my siblings whenever I needed a bed to sleep during my stay. I was broken hearted because I wasn't part of the 'plan', I was a mere' extra'.

To cut the story short, I was reluctantly given one of the units because of a personal issue between my siblings and my father. I took the offer and in three years, made the empty space grand. 

The doors leading to the main and the guest bedrooms. 

The guest room with the Mongolian artworks from one of my travels.

My bedroom with my precious quilt of which the story is another blog post.

The living room and the dining area in one big space.

My mementos housed in three glass cabinets and
the custom-made dining table decorated with clay food

The kitchen I had never used.

My priced Batibot table and chairs by the balcony.

Then one day, I was told that we owed a lot of money from the bank and that the building was made as a collateral. My brothers and I took the obligation to pay the debt in no time. We wanted to save the place and we did until one of my sibling offered no more help with the cost leaving only two of us paying our dues on a monthly basis. In other words, we weren't able to even tickle the principal cost. We were just paying the interest so we agreed to sell the property.

My grand abode is gone and this is one of the sunsets of my life. I feel defeated by the fact that I tried my best to give my share but some did not even bother. I don't even live there but I was paying a large sum so that I can have my space, an empty one before, and now, literally empty as in air. 

Little by little, my heart breaks as I part with my things since I do not have anything of my own to store them again. I learned a big lesson in here, that I should love myself first, save for myself, and not continuously give unselfishly. I should learn how to say no, and not rely on what is given. I should have kept the money to myself so that I could be living comfortably now. 

So even if my family relationship is not great, I took chances of helping them because I am still a part of them. I wanted to belong but I became a castaway. I wanted us to be together again just like in our old house, but instead, it made me run away for the second time. 

So I say goodbye to all my material things back home and say hello to a new start. It isn't late because I am still strong but I am hoping that by standing firm this time, I will become smarter and braver to face my own realities.